Fatal Attraction

"I feel you in my heart and I dont even know you..."

Its not like it happened out of no where... it's sort of like I always knew...

The way you spoke, the way you carried yourself, it always caught my attention.

The days that turned into weeks which turned into months where we wouldnt speak drove me crazy. You were always a constant thought in my head, always wondering how you were feeling, what you were doing... If I even crossed your mind.

How is all this possible? I constantly ask myself that.

From the first time we actually spoke I felt so drawn to you...

You had this impact on me like no other, and I couldnt forget you. I smiled with thoughts

of you in my head, your smile, how it drives me to seconds of happiness. All it took was

one day by your side... I witnessed beauty in the simplest form.

I was aiming to have you smiling from beginning to end but you did it to me instead

Looking into your eyes... I felt captured

thats when I knew I was in the wrong and now to get out will take so much of

whatever is left of me...It still doesnt stop me from wondering about

how it would feel to hold you at night how it would feel to

to caress your face and softly kiss you, watch you smile as I look into your eyes

hear you giggle when I call you beautiful, and maybe never having to hide myself from you...

thats where the story begins and ends in my thoughts, until they die

then I'm back to the shadows behind a wall with no cracks or windows...

Average

I dont go by the rules...

No white picket fence, no two kids and a dog, no house with blue shutters and a red door. I rather live in a one room apartment by myself with just two windows that look over the darkest alleys of the city. Many of you dont understand the person I am and thats okay because at this point I have learned to live with that. It may seem like I dont have my head on straight and that obviously shows that you know nothing. I am different in every aspect from the way I think to the way I love and the means of my hate.

I make a lot of mistakes in my life but I do not regret because at one point in my life I wanted it. I do analyze my life late at night when I can't sleep and wonder why certain things happen. I drink, I smoke and yes I enjoy it but I do not hate that I do it or want to quit. I like doing those things for fun and because I sometimes need a break from the stress life brings and that allows me to forget, although its temporary it helps me. Its not a weak thing for me to do because I do it for specific reason and when all is done I can breathe easier.

When I love someone whether its a friend or specific person I love with my soul not just my heart. I try and be the best friend I can, I give them the best of me not the side I show everyone else. Take it for granted if you want, push me to the side or leave me alone, I could care less after that point. I showed people more than once the things I am worthy of and what I can offer if its something you don't understand then we cant be in each others lives. I'll speak the truth because I care if you cant speak the truth to me what good is that?

I don't want to be another statistic in ANYONES eyes. Not society, the government, my friends, my so called family. I know what I have to do and although its not very clear to anyone that I do take my life serious I do. I have seen too many things and heard too many stories to allow myself to destroy my life. It may not happen in 2 years or 10 but I know that I will not be the average and I will go beyond my potential. Anyone can have plenty of reason to say I may never come around and that is perfectly fine but when I'm done I'll just smile at you and turn my back. I allow myself to feel lonely because Success is a SOLO mission. I am much to use to being alone so forgive me for pushing anyone away. If you dont understand I dont expect you to because I'm not average. So if you left me because you believe I have learn a little and grow up fast in this dying world you can stay far from me because you obviously expect something different from me.

I'll take my two or three friends everyone else doesn't matter, you put me as the past and I promise I'll remain that way.

I don't need a mansion two cars and a whole bunch of unnecessary money in the bank, when you're gone no one will remember you. Paper and pen, I'll create words that will live on forever and so will I. trust me I'm not the average girl.

You have to do stuff that average people dont understand because those are the only good things - Andy Warhol

Hate

I hate that you have this control over me
I have a concern over everything you do, every step you take, every person you talk to
As much as I try not to care about you I still do, I hate it
I care about your worst and best days even though neither one has to deal with me
I hate that you broke my heart and you still don't know it
How can I be in love with a person who has hurt me for so long
I hate that everytime you call I smile uncontrollably and everytime I miss your call I hope you answer mine
I hate that I'm so in love with you, as much as I try and convince myself to move on I can't
I hate myself... for letting you be the only person on my mind when I want happiness
I hate every drunken memory of you
I hate knowing one day you'll find someone and they'll be you're everything and that person won't be me and I'll just be happy for you
I hate that you're so beautiful and you don't even know it
I hate that I can't even hate you
Hate me and let me go.. I can't take this anymore...