Wait

Hold on life

I don't know what to do anymore. My vision is blurry and all I need is a guide. Please help me before I lose sight.

My heart can't love anymore and it was the only thing I knew. Feeling lonely as ever and I don't even care. Letting people go because I rather be alone then disappoint them time and time again. They say they believe in me but how long before they give up, before I give up.

All I'm asking for is a sign, before its too late, a chance... for a better life. Please

Nicole

No One to Convince

Someone said "The perception of beauty is a moral test..."

It's different, when I see the beauty in others, then I look at myself...

beauty plays out differently.

I listen to them, I look into their eyes; into their souls.. I see the real them...

Me... I just see what everyone else first sees and its ugly

Pictures from days ago, the times when I was okay.

I'm living as if I can never face the mirrors, living by what society views as perfect.

Pretty? To me, you are, I'm just living in their shadows, wishing sometimes things were different. But why isn't my inner beauty enough.. because the program says first impressions are key. Money controls everything for most and those who see beyond that never see me.

I cant even go on anymore because I make myself sick... I choose not to feed into peoples bullshit but every time I look in that mirror everything goes wrong and I die inside...

Signing off

Seriously, What is wrong with me?

I feel like I've put myself in a position where I'm just prone to loneliness.

every night I analyze my life and everything I do wrong and things

that happen to me that give me reason for the lack of happiness in my life and its never clear. I honestly feel like I should just shut everyone out and what's meant to be will be because I am tired of fighting and I no longer believe in it. I'm leaving everyone alone I am so sick of searching for an answer when I dont even know what the real question is.

I've decided to take a different path in life, I know no one will understand and that is

perfectly fine. I need to do some soul searching because as much as I want to be successful in life I just dont want to waste my time in school studying things I dont have interest in. I wish I knew

what to do with my life right now but everything is scattering in my mind. I wish things were easier but then I'd be asking for too much. I just wish there were different signs as to what I need to do.

As of right now nothing is right and it kills me, I wish there were atleast

one stable aspect in my life right now that was just there and I felt good about it but no everything is just wrong. And I hate that no one understands me but the thing is I just dont let anyone in enough to even try... I dont even have an interest in being with people anymore cuz everyone is just so blind. So I settle for less and I dont even care cuz I never give anyone all of me. I dont know how I destroyed myself in a year without a care in the world... this is me signing off to the world until I find myself...

All I Want

On my way back up to school I was thinking.. am I really that bad of a person

I dont know whats wrong...

I don't feel like I use to, I don't you love you like I use to

The one person I actually found that I felt could make me happy I cant have...

I completely understand and that is why I'm going to eventually let go

But damn... I know I come off as a bad person with the way I have dealt with other people, I just did it for the best of me because I did not want to get caught up

I just don't want to be lonely anymore

I have felt so unloved for so long that now it seems as though I can never have it again

I honestly feel like I'm just going to end up alone or maybe its Karma

How can I feel so empty right now... I have learned to love myself regardless of what others may say and still I feel incomplete and unworthy of anything

Am I honestly a joke or some type of fool

I guess its just me and my expectations or other peoples expectations

Is it bad to just want an ounce of happiness, someone to make me smile, someone to come home to... someone to love

I'm asking for too much right...